Chapter 14 Just Another Day
I didn’t know when I fell back to sleep, but I did, and I didn’t wake up until later than usual. Jane was already dressed and ready to leave for work. She works for Boeing near Lambert Airport, and to avoid the traffic she typically leaves early. Hearing me stir, she stopped in the doorway and asked gently, “How do you feel today?”
She doesn’t understand my struggle — because she is very decisive and doesn’t worry about things too much, the way I do. She makes fast decisions and moves on. Like the time I was doing my postdoc in California: she decided quickly that she wanted to abandon her Ph.D. and pursue an accounting master’s degree instead. She had to reapply for an F-1 visa, and she found options online to fly to Texas, cross into Mexico, and apply at a consulate in a city she had never visited — alone. That made me nervous. In my head, there were so many ways things could go wrong. None of my worries touched her much. In the end she didn’t have to go through with it, but that episode showed clearly how brave and tough her mind is.
When I started sharing that my stress was accumulating, Jane always listened patiently, trying to bring some rationality back, but never pushing hard. She organized a family vacation to Colorado earlier in the summer because she’d seen me recover well after vacations before. This time it didn’t help much.
Still, two images from that trip had been appearing in front of my eyes, unbidden.
The first: the moment we drove from the flat farming fields near Colorado Springs into the Rocky Mountains, and the high peaks appeared out of nowhere. One second, nothing. The next, immensity. Beautiful, and at the same time, very heavy.
The second: the Manitou Incline. My son and I climbed it together. Nearly two thousand steps of old railroad ties going almost straight up the mountain face. Exhausting. But we never stopped entirely — after a short rest, we always moved forward again, slowly, step by step.
“I’m fine,” I told Jane.
She looked at me for a moment — that way she has of reading something she doesn’t mention — and nodded. “I have to go now. Call me if you don’t feel good, anytime.”
“It’s okay,” I said.
“Remember: one day at a time. Everything will be fine.” She kissed me on the cheek and walked quickly to the door.
Somehow that reminded me of the closing line from Gone with the Wind.
After all, tomorrow is another day.
I held myself back from spiraling into questions about why I couldn’t face life the way Scarlett did. I had to drop off Emma before another busy day began.
* * *
Time flies when there’s nothing to look forward to. By lunch, I decided to eat alone in my office — just to breathe for a moment.
My phone rang. It was Yanran — a talented young colleague who had recently moved to the Product Supply strategy and transformation team. She had first reached out to me two years ago, when I was promoted twice in a row in the genomics data science team, asking for advice on handling some friction with her peers and manager. She was bright and ambitious, very active in both our Asian employee community and outside the company. She had been a real help since I was named President of Asian Connections.
“What’s up?”
“I got an external offer!” She could barely contain the excitement.
“Congratulations!” I genuinely felt happy for her. “What’s it about?”
“A horticulture company in Minnesota. But I may not take it yet — I want to finish my part-time MBA first before moving.”
“That makes sense. But at the very least, it’s a good sign. You’re competitive on the market.”
“I know. I’ve learned so much from changing roles over these past few years. Are you thinking about moving out of R&D someday? The levels in Product Supply are generally higher than in R&D, in case you didn’t know.”
“I’ve been in this role less than a year. I’d prefer to stay until things are sustainable here.”
What I didn’t tell her: that due to an unwritten rule at the company, my level had been quietly dragged behind where it should have been. The promotion had come in title — not yet in level.
Outside my office window, the campus was ordinary and still. Another day, exactly like the others. The mountain was very far away.